The Great Pretender


Rather than a game

Pretending was a way of life

I became a master at hiding my feelings

I’d just pretend I didn’t care

That I didn’t need friends

That it didn’t hurt me at all to feel invisible

Over and over again

Day after day

Year after year

I stuffed down the pain

And pretended it didn’t hurt

I didn’t realize I was building a bomb inside me

A mighty bomb of anger hate and rage

With a hair-trigger

That kept exploding inside me

Blowing up my sense of reason

My self-control

Shattering my mask

Exposing my nakedness

And I couldn’t pretend any more

It’s been a long painful journey

And it’s far from over

I’m slowly putting back the pieces of my life

Embracing the good the bad and the ugly

Changing what I can

Accepting what I can’t

And enjoying the freedom

Of not pretending anymore



2 responses

  1. I read so many of your eloquently written journalings and I must stop and look to see the author….well, not really, but so many times your words echo my thoughts, my feelings and my hurts….I continue to work on accepting what I cannot change….I continue to work on me, but as I do I have the comfort of knowing that I am not alone, sadly, what I live is not unique. The words “thank you for sharing” are used so often, they sometimes lose the true feelings behind them. But I truly mean it when I say, “thank you for sharing.


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