Homesick

~ Sandi Staton

Lord,

I’m feeling kinda homesick for Heaven

Not that I’m in a hurry to leave my family and friends

And my dog

And the few treasures I’ve collected over the years

But it’s getting scary down here

Unpredictable

Nerve-wracking

And my decrepit body hurts

Everywhere

I echo the thoughts and feelings of my mother

And my grandmother

And every old person

Shuffling their way through this

 Cold and heartless world

Where gray hair and wrinkles

Are no longer a portrait of knowledge and wisdom

But a neon sign of senility and helplessness

Somewhere along the way

Honor and respect have shriveled and died

Like flowers in the desert

 My soul feels vulnerable

Confused

Forsaken

Trapped

A victim of circumstances

I am powerless to change

Living in a world

I do not trust

Walkin’ the green mile

With no one to hold my hand

So yeah, Lord

I’m feeling kinda homesick for Heaven

Published by Sandi Staton

So, I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to describe myself to you, and these are the words jumping up and down in my heart: I'm just a simple human being living in a complicated, messed-up world. I speak my mind. I love hard. My feelings run deep. When push comes to shove, I stand my ground. Sometimes I push back. Sometimes I walk away. I've surfed the crashing waves of life that threatened to destroy me only to make me stronger. I bear the scars of emotional rape, sadness, and depression. I've walked the golden streets of churches and religion only to be disappointed time and time again. And as a result, it's taken me seventy-five years to get where I'm sitting today; a sinner saved by grace through the blood of Jesus Christ. I fell at the cross. I repented of my sins, and Jesus saved and washed me clean. I still fall flat on my face. I still get dirty as a pig in a mudhole. And Jesus still picks me up, dries my tears, forgives me again and again, and continues walking close beside me. No one has ever loved me like that. And no one ever will.