Happy Father’s Day, Daddy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay daddy
Since we never went on a coffee date before
Or even shared an intimate moment anywhere together for that matter
I’m taking you out
Just in my mind of course
You’d never come any other way
So
How about Starbuck’s?
No?
Coffee too strong?
I forgot
Instant Nescafe’
Hot water straight from the spigot
Creamer and sugar
In that nasty coffee-stained cup
You yelled at me for thoughtlessly washing one day
Okay then
Let’s just have coffee in the kitchen
In the old house where we used to live a long time ago
Doesn’t matter to me
I just want to talk to you
And tell you that I miss you
That I love you
That I’m sorry for rebelling against you in those troublesome adolescent years
I was just a kid and didn’t understand your moody silence
Your distant stare
Your dry wit
I just thought you were picking on me
Because you didn’t like me for whatever reason
And that hurt me and made me angry
And I wanted to hurt you back
I just wish that one time you had held me in your arms
And said you were sorry for making me cry
That you had poked your head into my shattered world
To see how much I needed your encouragement
Your quiet strength
Your love and protection
Instead
You closed your eyes
You crawled into a cocoon of apathy
You wrapped it tightly with barbed wire
And I knew better than to try cutting it down
There’s so much you didn’t know about me
Like how I wanted to be a daddy’s girl
For you to tell me that I was beautiful
And smart
And funny
For you to meet my first date at the front door with a shotgun
And beat my X to a pulp the first time he hit me
When my baby was born too early and I thought he would die
I wanted you to hold me and tell me everything would be okay
But you never did
That’s okay daddy
I didn’t invite you here to condemn you
I’ve done enough of that throughout my life
No
I just want you to know
That in spite of not having you emotionally in my life
I learned to stand on my own two feet
I learned to not depend on praise from others
And rather drew from the well deep inside me
I learned that life is not always fair
That bad things happen to good people
That we don’t get to pick our parents
And that I didn’t need to grow up in a Mary Poppins world to find
Love
Strength
Peace and contentment
So
Thank you for meeting with me today
For allowing me one fragmented moment of the rest of your time in eternity
God will continue taking over from here
Just as He has the past seventy years of my life
But
Before you go
I just want you to know that I’m glad you were my dad
That without realizing it
You made me determined to love my son the way I wanted you to love me
To encourage and support him
To protect him
To always be there physically and emotionally for him
And because of that
We spend precious moments together
Growing old together
Laughing
Crying
Cutting up
Drinking coffee at Starbuck’s together
I couldn’t ask for more
So
Thanks, Daddy
Happy Father’s Day!

Advertisements