Emergency Room Horrors

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because I could barely move and felt as if someone
Was bludgeoning my back with a baseball bat
My husband called for an ambulance
No sirens
No breaking the speed barrier
Just an ambulance
Didn’t want to alarm the neighbors
During the bumpy twenty-minute ride to the hospital
Visions of angelic faces and a big happy
Giant painkiller danced through my mind
I could just see the nurses and doctors rolling out the red carpet
Rushing to my side
Covering my writhing body with layers of warm fuzzy blankets
I could almost feel the pain ebbing away as I floated off to la la land
Finally
We arrived
But worse than the persistent pain radiating from my hip down to my toes
Was the ear-ringing slap of reality across my face!
As if plagued with leprosy
Or something even worse
I was whisked away into a cold
Isolated room with flimsy curtains for walls
Rolled onto a rock-hard bed
Covered up with a skimpy heated blanket
And left there
For hours
No angelic faces
No painkillers
No hope that I would get out of this alive
Just me
And my husband
And my pain
Finally
Three hours later
And upon my husband’s threats to gouge out someone’s eyes
An x-ray technician rushed to my side
Nearly jerked me out of bed and rushed down the hall
With me limping a mile behind him to the x-ray room
Suddenly
He turned around and asked
Do you want a wheelchair?
I nearly bit off my tongue to keep from screaming
Do you want a punch in the face?
And as if he hadn’t tortured me enough with his first set of pictures
Making me stand on a cold floor
Half naked
Writhing in pain
Posing in positions my body couldn’t remember ever doing
He rushed back into my room
Told me to lift my rear and shoved a board under my back
And in spite of all my groaning and crying and pleading
He shot a million more pictures
Well
Maybe it was two
Then he left and it was just me
And my husband
And my pain
And my tears
And my wanting someone to cut off my head!
Another hour and a few more bloody threats from my husband
And a nurse charged beside my bed
Stuck a plastic cup under my nose containing one little lonely pain pill
And whispered, “Chew it up, It’ll work faster.”
The minutes dragged by
Like a one-legged old man running a three-day marathon as I lay on my side
Waiting for the stupid slothful pill to do something
Anything
Just do it!
From another curtained room I heard a man’s pitiful cries for help
Louder and louder he cried
Then came a nurse’s flippant retort,
Tell him to take a deep breath!
Now things are starting to roll
The x-ray technician came bouncing back into my room
And with a big fat smile on his face, he beamed
No broken bones!
And I wanted to pull out my long sharp pointy horns and say,
I could have told you that, Einstein!
Then came the nurse with a long needle dripping with steroid
A few crippled apologies that needed a wheelchair worse than I did
And sent me home with a chewed up pain pill that got lost somewhere
Between my mouth and my brain
And a few prescriptions that I swear were laughing at me!
Limping beside my husband down the long dark depressing hallway
He helped me into a pathetic looking chair beside a paper-cluttered desk
And hustled out the door to get the car
But Hell’s fury wasn’t done with me yet!
In front of me towered a heavyset woman wearing a brazen-faced glare
And with a resonate whip-cracking voice
She demanded that I move
Because someone else needed to sit there!

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