I spent a lifetime coverning up my ugly flaws. Like soaking cucumber peelings in cold water and putting them on my face to bleach out my freckles.
Like pinching the end of my nose with a clothespin trying to make it smaller.
Like painting my invisible eyebrows and eyelashes and smearing on makeup to finally hide my hideous freckles.
Everything in my world had to be perfect:
My dolls. My shoes. My clothes. My performance . . .
I wish someone had taken the time to lead me in the right direction before my twisted brain told me I had to be perfect to be loved; that the world doesn’t accept rejects.
I wish someone had spoken the truth about God and His unconditional love before I hid behind a mask and stuffed my feelings deep inside.
I was a Christian and Christians live by a different set of rules from the rest of the world.
Christians are slow to anger and quick to forgive.
Christians turn the other cheek and suffer in silence. Christians love their enemies and bless those who curse them.
But what my delicate ears heard was: Christians are not human. They never mess up. Never get angry. Never say what they really mean.
Christians stuff their hurts, anger, and disappointments deep inside.
Christians think they must perform perfectly to earn God’s love.
Tired of living a lie and what it was doing to me, I called on God to help me. And He did.
He removed my heavy armor of perfectionism. He covered my nakedness with his cloak of righteousness.
He lifted the burden of guilt and shame off my shoulders. He told me that I don’t have to be perfect for Him to love me and that it’s a waste of time to even try.
He told me that He created me in His image, that I am the apple of His eye, that all the wrong in my life He can fix and make it right.
He’s been my faithful guide ever since.
We have coffee together on the back porch.
We walk together, laugh together, cry together.
But what I love the most about this amazing relationship Is that I can lean against Him and just be me. No more masks. No more pretenses. No more fear.