Month: July 2019

He is All I Need

~ Sandi Staton

So, I’m having coffee on the back porch this morning, thinking.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes for every time someone told me I think too much. But that’s part of who I am. A thinker; just like my dad was.

Anyway, I’m sitting there, observing my dogs and thinking about life; the way it was, the way I wish it had been, and the way it is.

It’s Heartland’s fault, the TV series that hubby, and I have been watching on Netflix for the past few weeks. It’s happy, it’s sad, it’s funny, it’s everything I wish my family life had been growing up. The way I wish I’d had a grandfather like Jack, a crusty old man with a soft heart, who loves and encourages and fights tooth and nail for his family.

How different my life may have been had my dad opened his arms and his heart to me and if mom had talked to me instead of yelling at me. If they both had made me feel like I was the best thing that ever happened to them.

Maybe I wouldn’t have spent so much time alone trying to figure things out. Maybe I would have made better grades in school, had more courage and self-confidence, and married the right man the first time around. Maybe I wouldn’t have tried so hard being what I thought everyone wanted me to be and just learned to be me.

My brain keeps reminding me that I’m a free woman. But my longing heart tells me I’m still that scared little girl behind bars; locked up with the taunting ghosts of the past. I still get depressed. I still get angry. I still feel I have to perform perfectly. I still have those tear-jerking moments when I feel I just don’t belong.

Yet, I have come a long way from where I was decades ago. I realize that freedom is a painstakingly, ongoing, slow process. We don’t soar like an eagle out the cage door when it’s opened. Our wings are broken; crushed by the weight of the grimacing world, and it takes time to heal. It takes time to learn and rethink and trust even good things smiling in our faces.

I was reminded of that sitting there on the back porch, observing my four-legged babies. I realized that as dependent as they are on me to take care of them, is how dependent God wants me to be on Him to take care of me. That, no matter how hard the struggle, no matter how tremendous the doubt and fear and emptiness I feel at times, He is all I need.

I just have to keep reminding myself of that; keep moving forward and stop flying back into that rusty old cage of sadness, loneliness, and regrets, because I don’t live there anymore.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heartland_(Canadian_TV_series)

Two Old People and a Hand Truck

~ Sandi Staton

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted an update concerning our home improvement (demolition). The truth is, we had to take a break from it.

We began taking up the carpet on Monday, May 27, 2019.  And it’s been quite an undertaking for two oldies who have never done this before.

EVER!

To top it all off, two days into our demolition, we had a car accident.  A woman ran the red light and hit us on the driver’s side. No one was hurt, thankfully. However, It was the week of Labor Day, so it was difficult getting her insurance to follow through, leaving us without a rental for five days. At least we had the truck, or so we thought. But, it wouldn’t start.

Six weeks, and two car rentals later (the first one broke down on us and our car is still in the shop) this is the progress we’ve made:

Moving furniture
Moving more furniture
Pulling up the carpet. Hubby has bad knees, so I get the honors. Getting up the carpet is the easiest part. It’s the padding and staples and carpet strips that’s tough.
All rolled up and ready to go out the door.
This used to be our front porch
Doggie and water stains.
Water damage.
Water damage.
Water damage.
Water damage.
Kilz to the rescue!
Hubby doesn’t do Kilz.
I wanted laminate flooring, but it’s not waterproof. We have two dogs. We need waterproof. So, we settled for vinyl plank flooring. It’s 100% waterproof and is more durable than laminate. Time will tell. By the way, it has a 30 year guarantee; an added plus.
The beginning of a learning experience we will never forget and will never want to do it again!
Two, long, frustrating, weeks later, the living room is done.
This was a total nightmare!
Looking better.
Great! The plyboard is too thick.
Finally! We got it fixed!
This tiny hall was worse than the worst of the worst. Eight times hubby had to take it up, re-measure, and put it back down before it finally fit right. We were on the verge of divorce. We bought boxing gloves instead, Just kidding.
Finally!!
Hubby hates doing the closets. He’s claustrophobic. Been that way ever since he served four years in the Navy.
This was a Freddy Krueger kind of nightmare. Three layers of glued down linoleum. Took us two days to pull it up.
See that tiny room in the back? That’s the laundry room. I dread getting started on that because of the having to move the washer and dryer onto the back porch. That’s tomorrow’s project.
This is where the refrigerator lives. Thank goodness for a heavy duty hand truck. And for hubby who handled most of the weight. I hate moving appliances!
Finally! The living room, dining room, and kitchen are done except for the quarter round.
I love my new kitchen floor!
The bookcase hubby built for this space was in there so tight he had to beat it apart to get it out.
Hubby did a great job on my much-needed book shelves.
It’s feeling more like home.
Decorating a room is much more fun than moving furniture, ripping up carpet, and putting down flooring.
I’m liking it.
I’ve got my dining room back.
Everything in its place . . . for now.
Can’t wait to have the family over again for dinner.
Home is where it’s at.
I wish I could say we’re finished, but it’s only just begun.

 

 

 

Overwhelmed

~ Sandi Staton

Picture17

I should be doing laundry. I should be cleaning all that junk off the front porch. I should be pulling weeds, hosing down the driveway, picking up limbs, and watering my plants.

I should be doing a lot of things.

But, I’m retired and I don’t have to do anything around the house today. I’ll do it tomorrow. And if tomorrow doesn’t come, then I won’t have to worry about all that stuff I should be doing today.

Besides, heaven is looking better to me all the time. I’m tired of my house falling apart and bossing me around. It’s gotten way too big for its britches!

That’s why I’m sitting here with my door closed drinking coffee and doing what makes me forget about all the stuff I should be doing today . . . creating happy stuff.

Lots and lots of happy stuff!