Photos: From Hot Mess to Abstract Art

~ Sandi Staton

Having BPD (borderline personality disorder), I should avoid stress like the plague. But, instead, I create more stress. Like this house renovation thing. I’ve never been so angry and frustrated and cried so much in my life. But, in spite of my life-long-ugly monkey on my back, I’ve learned to cope. I’ve learned to laugh at myself and to see the funny side of my many painful, not so funny anxiety disorders.

That’s why I create. It makes me happy. And when I’m happy, my dogs are happy. My husband is happy. My whole family is happy.

My before and after photos are my interpretation of the mess we’ve created. The before represents the stress. The after represents the calm.

Back Porch Before 1
Back Porch After 1
Kitchen Mess Before 1
Kitchen Mess After 1
Back Porch Before 2
Back Porch After 2
Living Room Before 1
Living Room After 1
Living Room Before 2
Living Room after 2

Published by Sandi Staton

So, I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to describe myself to you, and these are the words jumping up and down in my heart: I'm just a simple human being living in a complicated, messed-up world. I speak my mind. I love hard. My feelings run deep. When push comes to shove, I stand my ground. Sometimes I push back. Sometimes I walk away. I've surfed the crashing waves of life that threatened to destroy me only to make me stronger. I bear the scars of emotional rape, sadness, and depression. I've walked the golden streets of churches and religion only to be disappointed time and time again. And as a result, it's taken me seventy-five years to get where I'm sitting today; a sinner saved by grace through the blood of Jesus Christ. I fell at the cross. I repented of my sins, and Jesus saved and washed me clean. I still fall flat on my face. I still get dirty as a pig in a mudhole. And Jesus still picks me up, dries my tears, forgives me again and again, and continues walking close beside me. No one has ever loved me like that. And no one ever will.