Tag: Inspirational

Worrywart

~ Sandi Staton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry mom
But when it comes to worrywarts
I inherited them all from you
How well I remember you wringing your hands
Pacing the floor
Picking your fingers till they bled
I remember you dumping your worries on total strangers
And me slumping my shoulders and hanging my head in shame
I remember the panic in your eyes
When the bill collectors came knocking
And there was no money to pay
I remember daddy sitting with his head in his hands
As you yelled at him for his everlasting failures
And I remember how helpless I felt
Going to school every day
Worrying about passing my Math test
Or learning my multiplication tables
Or what the kids thought about me
Or the teachers
Or the bus driver
Or the janitor
I worried about being embarrassed in class
I worried about being sent to the principal’s office
I worried about coming home with telltale signs of red lipstick
And your shaking finger and endless sermon
I worried that I could never do anything right
That everything was spinning out of control
And no one was there to stop it
To help me understand and to trust that things will be okay
That the sky isn’t falling
That it’s just a bad break in the weather
That the thunder and lightning and torrential rain would stop
And the sun will come out again
But that never happened in my house
Or in school
Or in church
Or anywhere
So
Here I am, Lord
Covered with warts of worry that have controlled my life
My thinking
My belief’s
My view of the world and the people in it
And as hard as I try
I can’t stop thinking that maybe if I worry long and hard enough
The horrific things I fear will not happen
They’ll just disappear
Poof!
And my world will forever be safe and secure
See how crazy I am Lord
I know you’ll take care of me
But I also know that you allow pain and difficulties in my life
And I’m afraid that you’ll take a loved one close to me
And that the grief will swallow me whole
And that I’ll be left totally alone
Consumed with these excessive
Stupid
Ugly
Worrywarts!
So
Help me, Lord
I don’t want to be like this
We’ve come so far together
And I know you’re not finished with me yet
Although I think you should be by now!
But as long as I have breath and a sound mind
And as long as I keep trusting you
I know you’ll keep wielding your big shiny knife
Cutting away my worrywarts
One ugly wart at a time

“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”
Matthew 6:27

Twas Best for Me

~ Sandi Staton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lord
Remember when my husband and I first moved here
How I cried for weeks on end
For reasons only you could understand
Remember how trapped and isolated I felt
How uncertain and afraid
How utterly disappointed
Now
Decades later
Sitting here on my back porch
Embracing the cool morning breeze
Watching the birds
Joy skipping through my veins
I can’t imagine living anyplace else
Thank you for making me tough it out
For locking all the windows and doors
Making it impossible for me to run
Thank you
That in spite of my kicking and screaming against you
You continued loving me
Fixing me
Teaching me
Exposing the ghosts from the past
Unveiling the woman you created me to be before I lost my way
I know I’ve been a brat, Lord
Stomping my feet
Demanding my way
Pounding my fists when I didn’t get it
But thank you for not caving in
Thank you for not striking me dead!
Thank you for your tough love
Your sense of humor
Your strong arms
Your tender heart
And thank you
That in spite of everything I thought I wanted and demanded to have
You gave what was best for me

“My precious child, It’s not for you to understand what I am doing in your life.
I just want you to trust me.” 

And That’s Enough

~ Sandi Staton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lord
I have nothing to give in return for your love
For your healing touch
For your saving grace
How can I ever repay you for reaching down
And snatching my falling soul from the flames of Hell
There is nothing good in me
I’m just broken clay in your potter’s hands
That keeps jumping out
And falling down
And messing up
My love is conditional
My trust is fragile
My pride is haughty
Like a stubborn sheep
I run away
And you come looking for me
You scoop me up in your loving arms
You wipe away my foolish tears
You bind my bleeding wounds
You whisper love songs in my ears
Why
I don’t deserve you
My heart is reckless
My emotions are dangerous
My mind is a wandering river of fear and doubt
Anxiety and worry
So
Tell me
Lord
How can I possibly ever repay the tremendous debt I owe

“Oh, my precious, silly child. You have your heart
your mind, body, and soul, and that’s enough.”

 

The Best Dad in the World

~ Sandi Staton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The journey was long and tortuous
Like being stuck in quicksand
The harder I struggled to get out
The farther I was sucked down
Into a slimy pit of depression
Anger and rage
Visions of my dad danced in my head
Like a blazing fire
Burning holes in my soul
Ravaging my spirit
Destroying my faith and trust
In God
In my dad
In the human race
Voices condemned me
Punished me
Convincing me that I am worthless
Unlovable
Unworthy
Feeling accepted eluded me
Friendships lied to me
Love slipped through my fingers like burning sand
Night and day my heart cried out to God
But He seemed deaf
Cold and distant
Just like my dad
My soul was a heap of ashes
The will to live was gone
Then one mystical morning
Jesus whispered my name
He clasped my hand
And through the smoldering fire
He led me straight to God
I collapsed sobbing in His open arms
Love consumed my soul
Renewed my strength
My hope
My faith
And I knew
And I know
And I believe at last
That God loves me
My soul is at rest
The ghosts are gone
And God
My Heavenly Father
Is forever by my side
I don’t why He loves me so
But this one thing I know
He is the best Dad in the world!

He Loved Me to Death

~ Sandi Staton

God gazed from heaven upon the earth

Through tears of remorse and disbelief,

His heart was pierced by transgressions of man

And was broken by sorrow and grief.

He cried to His Son, “What shall I do?

My children can’t go on like this,

For when it comes time for them to die,

My kingdom, they will surely miss.”

So, Father and Son both lovingly agreed

As they fathomed what must be done;

In order to save all the world from sin,

The Father must send down His Son.

So, Jesus came down as a tiny babe,

God’s perfect, loving gift to mankind;

In hopes that one day His words they would heed

And their eyes would no longer be blind.

Jesus was tender, so patient and kind

As He spoke of His Father’s love;

But many were they that refused to believe

That He was God’s Son from above.

After years of teaching and healing the sick,

The Savior’s hour had finally drawn near;

Fo the time had come, God’s will to be done,

Though the cup brought forth bitter tears.

He willingly gave His life on the cross

And bore much suffering, sin, and shame,

But many today still don’t understand

That is the reason He came.

But I believe with all of my heart

And want to give the Savior my best;

 It was for me that He shed His precious blood

For you see, He loved me to death.

Sandi

Broken Wings and Crooked Halos

~ Sandi Staton

I avoid calling myself a Christian these days

I’ve had to work too hard at trying to be one

Just when I thought I finally was one

I’d lose my temper

Fly into a fit of rage

Do and say un-Christian stuff

Feel guilty

Beat myself up

Get depressed

A never-ending cycle of madness

Sick to death of it all

I looked deep inside

Through all the muck and mire

Of judgment and ridicule

Of pride and self-righteousness

Of fake joy and happiness

And faced the stark reality

That I wasn’t a Christian

I was a broken mess

Just like all the other wanna-be Christians

Sitting in their padded pews

With their broken wings

And crooked halos

Finally

I called on God to fix me

To change me

To free me

To wash me clean

And He did

Now

I’m just a sinner saved by Grace

Free from the chains of religion

Of having to keep my halo straight

Of pretending to be something I’m not

Free to just be myself

While striving to be more like Him

 ~ Sandi

Fixer No More

~ Sandi Staton

As a committed Follower

I thought God expected me to fix things

Broken hearts

Broken relationships

Broken lives

Broken anything that was still breathing

But when I couldn’t

I’d sink into a slimy pit of depression

Where I became more broken

Than the ones I was trying to fix

Again and again

I’d try

Again and again

I’d fail

Till one day

Weary to the bone

God opened my eyes

And told me loud and clear

That those lofty expectations were not His

That He never gave me the authority to play God

And that He is the only One who can fix

All the brokenness in the world

What a relief to be rid of that cumbersome burden

To turn it all over to God

To let Him handle it from now on

What a relief to know that

All the brokenness I failed to fix

Is in His Mighty hands

I no longer have to worry about it

Never

Ever again

~ Sandi

Hope at the End of the Rainbow

~ Sandi Staton

Bludgeoned by sorrow and grief

My heart was mangled and bleeding

 No one could fix it

No one could ease the piercing pain

Comfort my soul

Calm my fears

No one could deliver hope for today

For tomorrow

Or ever

Then after the pouring rain

God appeared to me in a rainbow

Reminding me of His promises

His love and faithfulness

His ever-present nearness

His healing touch

 And in that moment

Hope was restored

And my battered heart began to heal

~ Sandi