I cried for you the other night
First time since you left this world
Not that I didn’t love you
But that I thought you didn’t love me
Then I look at this picture
and I see the love in your face
But I needed to feel it in my heart
Did you know I wanted to be a daddy’s girl
To cry in your strong arms
To hear your love songs in my ear
Did you know how my heart ached
To know you
To talk to you
To understand your silence
Did the war kill your soul
Were you suffering in silence
I wanted to know
I needed to know
But I never will
Because you’re gone
And I can’t hear you now
Your silence bore a hole in my soul
It twisted and confused my mind
It made me bitter and angry
At you
At myself
At the world
My heart became a festering boil
Of anger and rage
Striking out against the world
Screaming for love and understanding
Only to receive the double-edged sword
Of fear
Isolation
And rejection
Over and over again
I wanted to hate you
But my heart wouldn’t let me
I wanted to forget you
But your footsteps echo in my brain
I’m letting you go daddy
I no longer need to know and understand
I no longer need your love and support
I found what I need in the ones who love me
Talk to me
Embrace me
Comfort me
And that’s enough
I will always love you daddy
But it’s time for my heart
To set each other free
~Sandi