Thinking

Like a zombie he sits
In crypt-like silence
staring into space
Smoking a cigarette
Drinking coffee
Thinking

His wife
Is cooking and cleaning
Skinning her knuckles on the washboard
Bringing in firewood
As he sits in the shadows
Thinking

The bills are behind
The cupboards are bare
His wife is crying
The kids are misbehaving
As he sits in the shadows
Thinking

The kids are all grown
The boys are breaking the law
His wife is working
Cooking and cleaning
As he sits in the shadows
Thinking

The years pass by
They’re both old and gray
His wife is lonely and afraid
But in silence he lies
Between snow-white sheets
Thinking

He closes his eyes
He breathes his last
Leaving only behind
Fragmented memories of a man
Sitting in the shadows
Thinking


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Author: Sandi Staton

My body has slowed down, but my busy brain never stops thinking, creating, writing, taking pictures of clouds and trees, and everything in between. I battle anxiety and depression that doesn't get better with age. That's why I write, why I spend time alone, why I walk, why I take pictures, why I never stop.

12 thoughts on “Thinking”

      1. That had to be hard Sandi… My father was not in my life though when I was about 10 I met him but alas he was a stranger to me… Maybe a little like you felt. I think my siblings who did have him in their lives would feel as you did…

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        1. Thank you, Diane. I struggled with rejection forever. To have a dad living in the house and being so emotionally detached was tough. But I came to forgive him and moved on. But it left a hole in my soul. I’m sure you feel the same way.

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          1. Yes, I made a conscious decision to forgive him. In truth he shouldn’t have been a father because as my oldest sister said.. ‘he never held them or told them he loved them…. He also had addictions..
            Anyway… yes there is a hold in the soul … I often wished I was like others with a mommy and a daddy…

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            1. I felt the same way about wanting a dad. Then, God revealed to me that He is my mom and dad and brother and sister. He is everything I missed out on growing up. That gives me comfort. He is everything we need.

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              1. Yes… I came to that conclusion also… ‘excerpt from one of my posts’ ..
                You saw my hurt and sorrow
                Wherever I did go
                But it took sometime to realize
                What was before my eyes

                I had a Daddy who loved me so
                That He sent His son to go
                Upon the cross to die for me
                How blind I could not see!!!

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    1. So very true! My dad was a good man, but, oh, so emotionally far away. My brain told me this was wrong; mom doing all the work and my dad contributing very little. Thank you for reading and commenting.

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