Not Today, Squirrels!

Keeping squirrels off the birdfeeder is like keeping bees off honey. When you buy a so-called, squirrel-proof birdfeeder, be ready for a big let-down. YouTube is full of claims, and videos to prove them, but I have yet to buy a birdfeeder that is actually squirrel-proof.

Determined not to pay another cent for another birdfeeder, I ordered a 15.75″ birdfeeder baffle from Amazon. It was hilarious watching those silly squirrels twirling around like a top and tumbling to the ground. Ha, ha, squirrels. You guys finally got outwitted by two old dried up prunes!

Then it backfired. The laugh was on us. They figured out a way to hang on and wrap themselves around the birdfeeder like garland on a Christmas tree. I give up! You win! Have at it, you dirty, rotten scoundrels! Maybe we’ll just skin you alive and feed you to the vultures!

Seeing them planted day, after day like a chocking vine around the feeder, made me want to cut off their bushy tails and hang them on a tree. Better yet, maybe I’ll just wring their scrawny little necks and have them for supper!

Still refusing to be outwitted by a bunch of conniving critters, I got to thinking. Maybe we just need a bigger baffle and raise the feeder higher to keep them from jumping on it from the ground.

So, I ordered a 27″ baffle, which my husband exchanged for the smaller one, and raised the birdfeeder higher from the ground. There! That’ll fix ’em!

Oh, yeah? On what planet? Mars?

This is crazy! There’s got to be a way to keep those rascals off the bird feeder. One day, they tore it completely down and had a royal feast. Even the rabbits joined in. This ain’t right! Of all the geniuses in the world and not one of them can invent a genuine, smarter-than-a-squirrel, birdfeeder?

One day, while sitting on the back porch studying the baffle and why it wasn’t working, I suddenly got a brainy idea. What if we raise the feeder again and hang the smaller baffle above the larger baffle? That way, when the squirrels lower themselves onto the smaller baffle, the larger baffle will prevent them from hanging on and grabbing hold of the feeder at the same time.

So, that’s what we did. And surprise, surprise! My little brainstorm worked like a charm. The birds have their feeder back, and the squirrels gather beneath like a happy little family, eating the seeds that spill to the ground.

It’s been working going on two months, now, but I’m not naive enough to think that a bigger, smart-aleck one won’t come along and figure it out. But I’ve got a plan just in case. We’ll just add another baffle and see how he likes that! Maybe my great-grandkids can outsmart me, but never again will I be outsmarted by a crafty, thieving, bushy-tailed squirrel. At least, not today!