He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. ~ Psalm 147:3
Author: Sandi Staton
My body has slowed down, but my busy brain never stops thinking, creating, writing, taking pictures of clouds and trees, and everything in between. I battle anxiety and depression that doesn't get better with age. That's why I write, why I spend time alone, why I walk, why I take pictures, why I never stop.
She could not tolerate broken things So she decided to fix it Every tear Every bleeding heart Little Miss Fix-it could fix it
She was the queen of her realm Commander and chief She had everything under control But in the process of trying to fix the world The world ended up breaking her soul
Little Miss Fix-it was easy prey For ravenous wolves in sheep’s clothing Her heart was devoured Her soul was crushed Her mind was mauled by confusion
Her heart was too broken To fix on her own Too distrusting and disbelieving So the only thing left for her to do Was entrusting it to God for healing
Little Miss Fix-it is much wiser now From the hard lessons she has learned She stopped playing God Jumped off the Throne And ran through the gates of freedom
The moral of Little Miss Fix-it’s story is Be careful of the choices you make Stop believing the lies you’ve been told Live only the life that is yours And leave all the fixin’ to God
Like an explosive volcanic eruption Angry words spewed across the page Vile Hateful Slanderous As if the Devil himself penned the words They pierced the heart Crushed the soul Provoked a storm within Revenge! The raging heart screamed An Eye for an eye A word for a word I will have the last say Then my heart remembered The treaty it signed To lay down the weapons To rid the armor of pride And put on the shield of Forgiveness How the heart struggled How it longed to get even But amid the hurt and anger Arose a heart of victory And all that remains of the letter Is ashes in the wind
Genesis 5:24 NIV Enoch walked faithfully with God; then he was no more because God took him home.
Heaven is looking brighter and clearer every day And the more wicked this world gets The more ready I am to leave How I loathe the hatred and lies The shootings and killings The butchering of babies still in the womb Where does this sense of entitlement come from? Where is the remorse? The shame? When was a lie ever the truth? Who opened the door to the pit of Hell? Do my prayers and tears reach Heaven? Has God turned His back on His creation? Or is He waiting for one more soul to believe in Him? The world has become a giant monster of evil I don’t want to be here anymore I’ve seen and heard enough I’m old and tired My feet are bruised and sore My legs tremble in weakness The walk has been long and arduous But I continue pushing forward Continue trusting and believing That at the end of the road Jesus is waiting to carry me home And I’m excited about that!
GOD I grew up thinking that God was looking down from heaven, arms crossed, frowning, and shaking His head in disappointment; a stark contrast between what I read in the Bible and what I was taught in Sunday School.
He’s your Heavenly Father, they said. His love is higher than the mountains, deeper than the ocean, they said. His love is unconditional, they said. You don’t have to earn it, beg for it, clean yourself up for it. Good or bad, it’s all yours, they said. My brain believed it, but my heart didn’t feel it, and I couldn’t settle for that.
I’m a sensitive, emotional human being that relies on my feelings, and if I can’t feel it, I’m paddling against the current of emptiness, frustration and confusion. And I can’t live like that. I have to feel God. I want, I need, I can’t live without knowing, believing, and feeling God in my heart.
So, I kept searching; crawling through the wreckage of my past, facing the ghosts, grieving my losses, wrapping my arms around the truth, cursing the lies and deceit of the people that said they loved me.
And there, in the midst of the wreckage, sat a shadowy figure staring into space, oblivious to the world in which he lived. My dad; in the flesh, but absent in the spirit.
Suddenly, in the crashing waves of anger and grief, I found my answer. When I finally opened my crying eyes, I saw God; smiling, arms open wide for me to come and feel His highest, deepest, unconditional love of my Heavenly Father. He was there all along; I just couldn’t feel Him. Now I do.
FAMILY That’s where relationships are born. That’s where parents love, discipline and protect their children, make them feel safe, and teach them how to spread their wings and fly. Family is the potter; children are the clay. Either they are lovingly shaped and molded into something beautiful, or they are ruthlessly marred and disfigured for life.
RELATIONSHIPS There’s no gentle way to put this: my family was screwed up. The most important relationships I always wanted, I learned to live without. For the sake of my own sanity, I walked away; I said enough!
I want to live a happy life. And, when I became a mom, I broke the chains of child abuse and loved my one and only child unconditionally, no strings attached. And as a result, he is a loving, caring human being, an awesome son, husband, father of four, and grandfather of nine, beautiful grandchildren.
There are no conflicts that we can’t work out. We all come together, laugh, work, and play together, because we know how important wholesome relationships are for each other’s well-being in a world that grows more stupid and evil every day.
CONCLUSION If we want a good life with a beautiful, flourishing flower garden, we have to do everything within our power to care for it properly. Otherwise, it will dry up, dwindle and die. And that’s no life at all.
She was beautiful with her long, raven black hair, dark eyes and golden bronze skin; a stark contrast to my fair skin, red hair and freckles. Even her name was beautiful: Shawna Lee. We were kids when we met, and though I have long forgotten her face, I have never forgotten her name. So, when I got married and became pregnant, I had the perfect girl’s name picked out. But I had a boy, so I saved that lovely name for when I had a girl. Sadly, due to childbirth complications and neumerous surgeries, motherhood was a one-and-done deal for me. However, when my short-lived marriage ended in divorce, my X remarried and named one of his two daughters, “Shawna Lee“. I don’t know why, but I’m glad he did. Goes to show that like people, some names are special and will never be forgotten.
Look at her! She’s about to throw a hissy fit Did she really think she could trick us That a flimsy screen could keep us out Humans! They have the brains of a jelly fish They forget that we’re invincible That we can skitter up a tree blindfolded Hang upside down on one leg Fall from the highest tree and keep going We are slinkys with fur Acrobats with bushy tails Magicians with better tricks We are cute Funny Cunning Destructive A big fat pain in the butt! We are kings and queens of the neighborhood Thieves of squirrel resistant birdfeeders Comedians of the universe And like it or not Curse every last one of us Hang us from the treetops We are here to stay!
Look at that! Wrapped around the bird feeder like a slithering devious snake I’d like to cut off his bushy tail and strangle him with it! Just when I think I figured out a way to keep the squirrels off They figure out a way to latch back on Bella does a good job chasing them away However, I have a better idea But killing animals isn’t in my blood I could let my neighbor do it He loves killing pesky critters But my conscience would keep me awake at night My brain would never shut up about it And my heart would shrivel up and die So I took the feeder down But the birds weren’t happy So I hung it back up Now the squirrels and the birds are happy Wonderful! Everybody’s happy but me! But come tomorrow Or the day after tomorrow Or a thousand days after tomorrow My tiny human brain will out-smart them I pinky promise I cross my heart and hope to die On my mother’s grave I will find the perfect solution To out-smart every last one of them Just you wait and see!
I cried for you the other night First time since you left this world Not that I didn’t love you But that I thought you didn’t love me Then I look at this picture and I see the love in your face But I needed to feel it in my heart Did you know I wanted to be a daddy’s girl To cry in your strong arms To hear your love songs in my ear Did you know how my heart ached To know you To talk to you To understand your silence Did the war kill your soul Were you suffering in silence I wanted to know I needed to know But I never will Because you’re gone And I can’t hear you now Your silence bore a hole in my soul It twisted and confused my mind It made me bitter and angry At you At myself At the world My heart became a festering boil Of anger and rage Striking out against the world Screaming for love and understanding Only to receive the double-edged sword Of fear Isolation And rejection Over and over again I wanted to hate you But my heart wouldn’t let me I wanted to forget you But your footsteps echo in my brain I’m letting you go daddy I no longer need to know and understand I no longer need your love and support I found what I need in the ones who love me Talk to me Embrace me Comfort me And that’s enough I will always love you daddy But it’s time for my heart To set each other free ~Sandi
Straight From the Heart 