Category: God

I Dated the Devil

I met him at church. He said he was a Christian. I was a lonely, gullible, single mom who fell for his charming good looks and sugar-coated lies.

I was twenty-three. My son was three. He was thirty-six with a thirteen-year-old son that he had abandoned in an orphanage. Red flags were popping up everywhere, but stupid Cupid shot them all down.

He made me laugh. He made me feel loved. He made me as pliable as clay in his hands, twisting my Christian morals and ripping out pieces of my soul.

The more time I spent with him, the more the devil reared his ugly head. The same devil I’d seen many times throughout my life. Didn’t I see him in the glaring eyes at home? Didn’t I see him in the man who promised to love me till death do us part? Didn’t I see him behind the curtain of witchcraft?

Suddenly, his twisted lies became as transparent as glass, his heart as faithful as a harlot. He didn’t own a house, a vehicle, or even have a job. He pushed his way through life using and abusing the weak and the vulnerable, and lying his conniving head on the pillow of his victims. But I kept closing my eyes and turning the other cheek. I kept going to church, singing the hymns, hiding my shameful heart in the chamber of religion.

But each day became harder to live with the person I had become, the person I said I would never be. I was making it on my own, raising my child without any help from his father, and keeping my standards high. I was a good mother, a good person with a strong determination to do the right thing, but out of sheer weakness and stupidity, I traded my sacred heart for ashes in the wind.

Kicking him out of my life was the smartest thing I had done since I had invited him into it. I made a big mistake. I can’t go back and erase it; it’s forever etched in the shadows of my mind. But I walked away from it. I learned a valuable lesson from it, and I became a better person because of it.

It was a Saturday evening. Robbie and I were sitting on the couch watching The Flintstones when he suddenly barged through the door, waving a gun around and blabbering like a lunatic. Frantically, I pulled Robbie closer to me, watching our lives vanish in the midst of a disastrous storm.

His eyes were as black as coal; his face twisted like a raging monster as he stood in the middle of the room, threatening his way back into my life. When that didn’t work, he held up the gun and said he was going to shoot himself. With a deep sigh of relief, I gasped, “Fine! I think that’s about the best thing you can do for yourself!”

God, despite turning my back on him, in his love, mercy, and forgiveness, protected Robbie and me that day. I can find no other logical explanation why a crazy, life-threatening maniac would suddenly turn around and walk harmlessly out the door.

Being a single mom back in the sixties was as tough as being a single mom today. The challenges and temptations are the same. Human soul snatchers are the same. The need to be loved and valued is the same. And God is the same. He never leaves us. He never betrays us. He never condemns us. He lovingly takes us to the Potter’s house and diligently restores our broken souls.

Dare I Trust My Heart Again?

Dare I trust my resurrected heart?
The flickering candle of hope?
The dimly lit path to freedom?
The trickling water of peace?

Dare I trust the softer voices in my head?
The gentle breezes in my soul?
Dare I trust the raging monster is dead?
That it will never rise again?

My heart was crushed by the hammer of injustice.
Broken by ghosts of the past.
Paying for crimes she did not commit.
Drowning in tears that were never hers to cry.

It trusted the bloody hands of those who claimed to love her.
The freezing tomb of silence.
The glaring eyes of rejection.
The coals of shame poured on her head.

But dare she trust these quiet chambers?
To lay down her sword?
To tear down the walls?
Dare she believe in trust again?

No! I dare not trust my fickle heart.
My fractured mind.
My wild emotions.
My murdered soul.

I dare not trust my destructive self.
My racing thoughts.
My doubts and fears.
I dare not trust my broken self at all.

I dare to trust an unseen God.
I dare to trust His tender love.
I dare to trust His healing touch.
I dare to trust His whispering voice.

I dare to trust His wounded hands.
I dare embrace the blood He shed.
I dare believe the words He speaks.
I dare surrender to the cross.

Father, forgive my wounded heart.
My angry tears. My shattered soul.
I never wanted to hurt you.
But I was afraid to trust your stubborn love.
But I’m not afraid anymore.






Knock, Knock, Who’s There?

Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me (Revelation 3:20 NIV).

Silently, he stands in the freezing cold, his knuckles raw and bleeding. His knocks are gentle and persistent, barely audible above the noise of the world. He could knock louder. He could pound the door down, barge in, and make his presence known. But he never will.

Trouble lies behind the door, hidden from the outside world: broken hearts, shattered dreams, pillows drenched with tears. Love once built on trust has been betrayed. Forgiveness is consumed in the flames of anger and rage. Peace, joy, and happiness have shriveled and died in the arms of grief. Hope has been swallowed by the darkness of despair.

Knock, knock.

So gentle. So persistent. His tender voice pleading, desperate, his heart broken and crushed by grief. His perfect, blameless body is deeply scarred, bearing the stripes of atonement for a world lost in sin. A world tricked by the evil one, the father of all lies, the prince of darkness, the silent killer of the soul.

Knock, knock.

Who’s There?

Jesus.

Jesus who?

Jesus Christ, the Son of the true and living God.

What do you want?

I want you to open the door and invite me in.

Why?

Because I want to heal your battered, bleeding soul. I want to forgive your wayward, rebellious heart from sin, guilt, and shame. I want to wash your heart clean and fill it with joy, peace, and happiness. I want to show you how much I love you. I want to release Satan’s murderous grip. I want to set you free and give you eternal life.

Knock, knock.

I created you. I breathed into your nostrils the breath of life. You are my masterpiece. You belong to me, but the evil one snatched you from my hands to devour your soul. Unless you open the door and invite me in, I won’t be able to help you. I can’t make you believe in me. I can’t give you everlasting life without the forgiveness of sin. The choice is all yours.

Knock, knock.

The clock is ticking. Don’t delay. Death is crouching at your door. The choice is yours; life and death are in your hands.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23).










Trust Me

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, himself, is the Rock eternal (Isaiah 26:4).


“I don’t like going off and leaving you all alone. Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

“Of course, I’ll be okay. I want you to go and spend time with your old Navy buddies. It’ll be good for you. Go and have fun.”

He’s only been gone four hours, and already I feel trapped in an eerie tomb of silence. No TV, no crazy, made-up songs bouncing off the walls, no shouting, “Honey! I love you!” Nothing but the deafening sound of silence.

He’s taken little trips before without me, but this time it feels different. Maybe because I’m older, now, and realize that one day, I may face life without him. And that scares me. I think about that a lot these days. How do you learn to live without your best friend and marriage partner of 53 years? How do you adjust to living alone?

Like shifting sand, life is always changing. Nothing ever stays the same. One day, you wake up young and vibrant, the next day, you can barely drag your old bones out of bed. You don’t see it coming. You don’t even notice the slight changes. It’s like bam! And you find yourself waist-deep in the murky water of old age.

Old age changes your way of thinking. It rips the mask of denial off your face, and the ugly truth appears, like a dark, lifeless shadow dictating the final chapter of your life. Old age. The Phantom of the Opera. That younger, vibrant self, smothered in the cloak of decay.

How do we tell ourselves to stay calm when we visit nursing homes, when we see the struggles, the fear, and the sadness in people’s eyes? How can we feel safe in the hands of a broken health care system? How much money is enough to get the proper care we worked so hard and saved for?

I don’t know because I’m not there yet. But as a believer in Jesus Christ, I know that through the promises in His Word, He will take care of me, that He will walk with me through the shadow of death, and into eternal life with Him. No more sorrow. No more tears. No more old age. No more death.

Old age and I are not friends. It’s an intruder. I’m a fighter. But fighting against old age is fighting against God. Through disobedience, Adam and Eve sinned, and the world was given the death sentence. Who am I to change God’s mind? Who am I to stand before Him with clenched fists, expecting Him to change the rules? To make an exception. To remove the sting of old age.

We all face many challenges throughout our lives, and we either learn to deal with them or we learn to run from them. To stick our heads in the sand and hope they go away. Old age is a challenge that you can’t run from or bury in the sand. If we’re fortunate enough to live a long life, we must be brave enough to accept it as God’s gift to us and trust Him to walk with us through it.

I thank God for my life, for all the challenges, and for being there with me every step of the way. He created me, and He is able and willing to take care of me for the rest of my life.

The world is a scary place with all its vices and distractions. Today, more than ever, we need someone we can trust and rely on. Someone who has our best interests at heart. And God is the One. He proved it in a lowly manger, He shouted it from the cross, from the tomb, and at His glorious resurrection! I love you! I will take care of you! Trust me!

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28).



Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Fall

And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again.

Why was Humpty Dumpty on the wall? How did he get up there? What made him fall? Was he drunk? Was he old and disoriented? Or was he just plain stupid?

I don’t really care; it’s just a silly riddle. But I know people who are like Humpty Dumpty. They risk everything to climb the wall to success, working day and night by the sweat of their brow, making a fortune, and hoarding it all for themselves. Like a lover, they squeeze it to their breast, smother their minds with it, and would rather die than live without it. They are so consumed by greed that they don’t even realize they have fallen off the wall.

Jesus told a parable in Luke 12:16 about a rich man who had such an abundant harvest that he tore down his small barns and built larger ones. And there he hoarded his goods and said to himself, “I have plenty for years to come. I will sit back, eat, drink, and be merry.”

In today’s language, he propped up his feet, turned on YouTube, and said to himself, “I am filthy rich! And I ain’t sharing with nobody, nowhere, no time. It’s mine. All mine! And don’t even think of stealing it. I will hunt you down. I will find you. And I will kill you!

And Jesus said, “You fool! This very night, your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?

Although the times have changed, people’s attitudes are no different today than they were two thousand years ago. We all have selfishness and greed running through our veins, some more than others. Not just with our money, but with ourselves, our time, and our priorities. We are so consumed with ourselves that we fail to see or even care about the needs of others.

There are many Humpty Dumpties in the world, sitting on the wall of superiority, thinking they’re living the good life with all their riches and fame. That, like the rich man in the parable, they believe they are invincible to tragedy and loss, as if their riches can buy eternal bliss. But when they fall off the wall and are broken beyond repair, there is a King who can put them together again. His name is Jesus, the Great Physician. The Almighty King of Kings.

But what if they want nothing to do with Jesus? What if they think they’re smart enough to fix themselves? What if they don’t even know they’ve fallen off the wall and keep hobbling along as if nothing is wrong? What if they’re just too blind and stubborn to ask for his help? What if they don’t even believe in Jesus and his healing, saving grace?

Then, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men can’t put them together again. They will never be happy, never be satisfied, never experience an abundant, fulfilling life. Like Humpty Dumpty, they will be nothing more than a riddle of their own folly, forever lost in their own pride and foolishness.

He Restores My Soul

He leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul (Psalm 23: 2,3).

Let’s pretend that your heart is a car. Okay, a truck, if you prefer. It’s traveled thousands of pothole-ridden roads, through thunderstorms and pouring rain. It gets stuck in the mud, and there is no one to get you out. You keep spinning your tires till, suddenly, you run out of gas and the nearest gas station is a hundred miles away. Your iPhone is dead, and Siri is as useful as a blind horse in a maze. What are you going to do?

Like a vehicle, our hearts travel thousands of miles, in and out of love and toxic relationships, getting banged up, stuck in the mud of lies and deceit; foolishly spinning our tires till our gas tank is empty. Now we’re stuck on life’s busy highway with no helping hand in sight. Our hearts are broken; our souls are parched and dying of thirst. What are we going to do?

We can hide our brokenness behind a pearly-toothed smile. We can crack a few jokes. We can win a stranger’s attention with our Ken and Barbie’s charming good looks. But sooner or later, the flimsy walls we built to fool the world will crumble and fall at our feet. What are we going to do?

Our pride screams, leave me alone! I can fix it myself. I’ll just drink a little more, take a few more happy pills, toughen up and keep plowing my way through. No one will see my tears. No one can bring me down. I can do this all by myself!

I tried it my way. It doesn’t work. Thankfully, God has a way of bringing me to my knees. He knows my heart. He knows my foolish pride. He knows the raging storms within, the rugged mountains I’ve climbed, the rivers I’ve crossed, the bridges I’ve burned; every dark and lonely night I spent drowning in my tears. And he knows just what I need.

But, I had to know that I could trust him, that I could give him my heart, without fear of him crushing it in his hands. I had to believe that he loves me just as I am, that he won’t turn his back on me if I mess up. I had to know that, unlike my earthly father, I could trust his love and protection.

The more I trust him, the less fearful I become. The closer I walk with him, the more I feel his love. The more I study his Word, the clearer I see his smiling face. The more I surrender my life to him, the more he restores my soul.

What about you? Does your heart need to be restored? Are you exhausted from trying to fix it yourself? Are you depressed? Discouraged? Frustrated? Have you tried everything under the sun to feel better, to be better, only to fail time and time again? Give it all to God. Trust him with your broken heart, and he will restore your soul.

Be Still My Heart

Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand (Isaiah 41:10).

I am your God. Not your worries. Not your fear. Not your fickle emotions. Not your relationships. Not your home. I am your God. I will take care of you. I will fight for you. I will give you everything you need. I will give you complete rest.

How long has it been since you’ve been able to rest without the burdens of the world screaming in your ears? How long has it been since you’ve felt at ease living in your own skin? How long has it been since you felt that someone genuinely cared?

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).

As a chronic worrier, I bow down to fear and kiss its feet. Fear is the boss of me. I trust it to always be there, and it never lets me down. Crazy, I know. But that’s what I do because that’s what I learned to do. Fear it, then worry yourself to death about it, and maybe it will disappear. If it doesn’t, worry some more.

Last Sunday, my grandson delivered a powerful message on the topic of idolatry. And like a guided missile, the Holy Spirit took aim and pierced my heart to the core. That’s it! Fear, and all those other destructive cousins, aunts and uncles are sitting on the throne and controlling my life! They crawled through the window when I wasn’t looking and are working diligently behind the scenes.

Worries. Emotional torment. Failed relationships, misunderstandings, and irrational thinking; all those little gods now standing in my mind as tall as trees. I crowned them all, trusting them more than I trusted God. All my tears, all my begging and pleading God’s deliverance while clinging to the filthy rags of idolatry.

In the parlor of my mind, I see a big, brown, heavy door. Behind that door is a lifetime of pain and misery that I’ve been clinging to like an old, tattered security blanket. That door is closed behind me, now; God has sealed it shut. And standing there, feeling fresh and clean, like a newborn baby, my life suddenly has meaning and purpose. As if I just woke up from a long, deep sleep and seeing the splendor of the universe for the first time.

What about you? Are you ready to tear down the altars of those little gods tormenting your life? Are you ready to stop trusting your worries and fears and start trusting God? Are you ready to fall into his arms, kick off your shoes, and rest completely in his love? His power? His protection?

The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever (Psalm 23).

Freedom in Christ

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery (Galatians 5:1).

Meet my brother, Leonard, the youngest of six siblings; a rebel to the ninth degree. At home, at school; anywhere he decided to kick and scream against society. In his twisted thinking, rules were made to be broken. He didn’t know the meaning of respect and felt entitled to do and to take whatever he pleased. He never worked for it; he just took it. What he didn’t steal, he destroyed, like the abandoned house he set on fire when he was just barely twelve.

After spending a year in reform school, we thought he had learned his lesson. It only made him worse. He blamed everyone but himself for what he considered cruel and unusual punishment. With a heart burning with rage, he continued his bitter war against authority, serving time in jail, getting out on parole then back in jail for breaking parole and committing even more devious crimes.

Addicted to the thrill of the chase, and hallucinations of drugs and alcohol, my brother became a prisoner of pride and self-destruction. More than five decades of living a life of crime, death was his final destination, where his penniless, decaying body lay in a shameful, pauper’s grave.

But, as a Christian, was I any better? Was I freer than he? Less angry? Less rebellious? Less responsible for my twisted thinking and kicking and screaming against injustice?

For decades, I thought I was safe, hiding behind the walls of my religious facade. It was too risky opening the door to my soul. What would people think when they saw the blazing fire of anger and rage? And, what about the green-eyed monster of jealousy and the double-edged sword of vengeance? What would they think about the barbed wire fence around my heart, and the snarling, junkyard dog chained to it?

We can parade through life fooling people, but we can never parade through life fooling God.

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery, idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God (Galatians 5: 19, 20, 21).

Like an earthquake, I was shaken to the core of my being after reading these blatant, condemning words: those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. And the Holy Spirit whispered to my soul, not even you, Sandi.

It’s as if a dam broke inside me and all the sludge and filth I’d been holding back for decades, began pouring out. The Holy Spirit removed my blindfolds, revealing every sin labeled and dangling before my eyes like puppets on a string. What I so carefully kept hidden in the dark was exposed before God like creepy, ugly bugs scattering in the light.

Falling on my knees before God, he washed my heart clean and set it free. He tore down the walls that Satan helped me build and showered me with his love and forgiveness. He renewed my mind, restored my soul, and sent the Holy Spirit to teach me how to live. He pulled me out of the quicksand of sin, released Satan’s death-grip from my heart, and gave me peace and joy and everlasting life in him.

Freedom in Christ is not a free ticket to a trouble-free life, nor is it a one-time deal, but an ongoing process of moving farther away from what we were, and closer to what we are becoming in Christ. It doesn’t mean we will never fail and disappoint God, because we will. We’re humans, bent towards the alluring pleasures of the devil’s playground of sin and destruction.

And, because God created us with a free choice, he allows us the freedom to run away, and to get all tangled up in Satan’s web of lies and deceit again. The choice is ours, and so are the dire consequences we will face. Continue living for Satan and die in the tar pit of sin, completely separated from God, or live in the everlasting power and freedom in Christ. The choice is all yours.

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23).

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want “Galatians 5: 16, 17”.