Flowers, riches, and fancy words don’t set my heart on fire. Vacation cruises and a trip around the moon are a waste of time and hard-earned money. And the saying that diamonds are a girl’s best friend doesn’t apply to me. Long walks through the woods, sitting by a campfire, and holding hands while crossing the parking lot are the things that make my heart soar.
Sometimes my husband forgets that about me. But, after 53 years of marriage, my heart still does a jig when he gets up before I do, feeds the dogs, lets them out, and makes coffee.
Look at her! She’s about to throw a hissy fit Did she really think she could trick us That a flimsy screen could keep us out Humans! They have the brains of a jelly fish They forget that we’re invincible That we can skitter up a tree blindfolded Hang upside down on one leg Fall from the highest tree and keep going We are slinkys with fur Acrobats with bushy tails Magicians with better tricks We are cute Funny Cunning Destructive A big fat pain in the butt! We are kings and queens of the neighborhood Thieves of squirrel resistant birdfeeders Comedians of the universe And like it or not Curse every last one of us Hang us from the treetops We are here to stay!
Look at that! Wrapped around the bird feeder like a slithering devious snake I’d like to cut off his bushy tail and strangle him with it! Just when I think I figured out a way to keep the squirrels off They figure out a way to latch back on Bella does a good job chasing them away However, I have a better idea But killing animals isn’t in my blood I could let my neighbor do it He loves killing pesky critters But my conscience would keep me awake at night My brain would never shut up about it And my heart would shrivel up and die So I took the feeder down But the birds weren’t happy So I hung it back up Now the squirrels and the birds are happy Wonderful! Everybody’s happy but me! But come tomorrow Or the day after tomorrow Or a thousand days after tomorrow My tiny human brain will out-smart them I pinky promise I cross my heart and hope to die On my mother’s grave I will find the perfect solution To out-smart every last one of them Just you wait and see!
He lives in my brain Such a trickster is he Causing chaos and confusion And frustration for me But he doesn’t care Not one little bit And continues his mischief With no plans to quit I awake from my slumber With grand plans for the day To declutter my house And put everything away I pick up a box filled with trinkets galore And begin to plunder In search for more So consumed in my frenzy The hours slipped away And the house is more cluttered Then it was yesterday And the beat goes on From one day to the next Till one day for sure I’m gonna break that trickster’s neck ~Sandi
Sugar runs through my veins. Not blood. SUGAR! I’m a sugar junkie. Malted Milk Balls? I never eat just one. I eat the whole box in one setting. Milk Duds? Caramel Chews? M&M’s? Gummy Bears? Please, stop! Give me a truckload. No, a dump truck load, and I’ll scream for more. If I were a hoarder, my house would be bursting at the seams with candy! Am I diabetic? Nope! I’m just an insane, full-blown addict!
And, since Christmas, I’ve added hot chocolate to the list. Covered with marshmallows. So yummy. Then I ran into a problem. A big problem. I got hooked on the marshmallows! My brain wouldn’t shut up about it. Every time I started doing something, I’d hear, “Sandi. Come and eat us,” till I ended up eating two whole bags full.
I only wish my body liked candy as much as my taste buds do. But, it doesn’t. It suddenly got too big for its britches. Between the bloat and neuropathy, my feet and legs swelled like road kill on the verge of bursting open. I complained. I moaned and groaned. My poor body was suffering, and my brain didn’t care.
I had to make a decision: keep up the insanity, or straighten up. I chose to straighten up. Since this is not my first rodeo, I knew what I had to do. DETOX!
I dislike water as much as I love candy. And intermittent fasting is almost as bad. But, because I’m an all or nothing freak, I do better at eating nothing than going on a stupid, calorie-restricted diet that never works for me. Fasting is a beautiful word compared to the evil, diet word.
Oh, and one other thing. I started walking. Since I quit jogging after seventeen years (another stupid thing I did), I’ve gained weight and lost a ton of muscle strength till it’s difficult walking up just a few steps. And I fall. A lot. And I’m old. Real old (77). But, that’s okay. I can’t fix that, but I can fix what I do with it from here on out. I must admit, though, that since my legs refuse to support me at times, I feared falling in the middle of the road and getting run over if I started a walking program. My son, an insane hiker, marathon runner, and body builder, told me about trekking poles that athletes are using today. I bought a set, tried them out, and fell in love with them. It took me a few walks before I got the hang of it, but I won’t walk without them. Ever!
The moral of my story is this: If you value your body, no matter what your age, take care of it. It’s the only one you have, and it ain’t gettin’ younger! Trust me!
She barks at everything, chases anything, trips all over our feet, and nearly rips the skin off our legs while attempting to jump over them on the bed. She’s clumsy as a newborn calf, and stubborn as a mule, but, if I could make her understand one thing, it would be to STOP LICKING! The floors, the blankets, the furniture, the beds, me, my husband, Pepper, and herself! For once and for all, I wish I could make her understand that her licking is bad for my health!
Straight From the Heart 