Tag: God

Truth Seeker

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

What price are you willing to pay to know the truth? How deep will you dig in search of the truth? How badly do you want to know the raw-naked truth?

The majority of people in the world today avoid the truth like avoiding a rattlesnake. Why is that? What is so horrible about the truth that we want to hide it and would rather bite off our tongues than to tell it?

FEAR

That little four-letter word has the mighty power of Superman to keep the truth dead and buried; no matter what it takes. And the longer we allow fear to control us, the more watered down the truth becomes.

Let me introduce you to my mother. When she was just a child, her mother was between a rock and a hard place. Her alcoholic husband left her alone and penniless to care for her children. So, in my eyes, she did the unthinkable; she put her kids in an orphanage, with the promise she’d come get them when she got on her feet.

My mother, the youngest of twelve siblings, was farmed out to an abusive, foster home. They beat her, humiliated her, molested her, sent her to school with stones in her lunch box in the place of food, and worked her like a mule when she got back home. They told her she was ugly, stupid, and no good. And the final blow, that her mother was dead and was never coming back for her.

Throughout my childhood, my mother recited her broken past as if rehearsing for a horror film, which my tender heart and mind soaked up like a sponge. How could anyone be so mean and cruel to my mother? I wanted to beat them up with my little clenched fists!

Even before I started the first grade, I decided to be her savior. Her protector. Her golden child. With all the love and understanding I could muster, I surrendered my heart and soul to her. I became her golden child. Her savior. He protector. Her puppet. Her victim.

But the one thing I never surrendered was my stubborn, independent, strong will. And that became a monstrous problem in our relationship. Even as a child, the harder I resisted, the more ruthless she became with her twisted mind games; guilt and shame. Tag-along demons from her abusive past to now wreak havoc on me.

By the time I left home, the golden child I tried so hard to be was a broken mess of confusion, anger, hurt and rage, overwhelming feelings of worthlessness, abandonment, and betrayal. Is it any wonder relationships didn’t work for me? Is it any wonder that my first marriage failed? Is it any wonder that I didn’t even know who I am?

Having a loving, peaceful relationship with my mother was impossible. She was like an octopus, with her tentacles reaching every nook and cranny of my life. Everything broken in her life I was supposed to fix. EVERYTHING! And like a drunken fool, I kept trying.

One day I snapped. I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t stop hurting. I couldn’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t stuff my feelings anymore. My heart was a swollen, festered boil and was exploding all over the place. What is wrong with me? Why do I hate my mother? Why do I hate the world? Why do I hate myself?

After walking out of my mother’s life and two years of weekly, cognitive therapy sessions at the mental health clinic, my heart was finally at peace. But my mind is still in the painful process of recovery, and probably will be until I die.

But, I finally know the truth, about myself, about God, about life. Bad things happened to my mother. Bad things happened to me. The difference is, I got help. I uncovered the truth. I repented of my sins. I stopped the abuse. I forgave myself. I forgave my mother. And yes, I forgave God.

How badly do you want peace? How badly do you want to know yourself? How badly do you want to know God? How badly do you want to know the truth and be set free?

Overwhelmed

So, it’s been a while since I’ve written, or even wanted to. For many reasons. A library full of reasons. All frustrating. All senseless. All just down right debilitating.

As some of you know, I’m old. Some days, I’m walking on air. Most days I’m crawling over broken glass. Naked. My mother told me not to get old. But I never listened to her. I have my own way of doing things. Besides, getting old can’t be that bad. Can it?

Oh, yeah!

Of course, I do have a Chicken Little view of life; a mind-set I’ve been working on for ages. And that in itself is bad enough, especially when you’re old, and everything is falling apart, with no signs of things ever getting better, because your body has gone on strike!

Yep! The sky is falling! The sun has quit shining and will never shine again. The only thing waiting for me at the end of this suffocating, dark tunnel is a pine box adorned with flowers that are doomed to shrivel up and die, too.

Old age is scary for people like me. Even people with their heads screwed on tight have their scary moments. But Chicken Little people are just, flat-out doomed!

Trust me, old age is tough. Especially for those of us who takes the bull by the horns and does whatever needs to be done. People of action. People of strength and determination. That’s me. And that’s the woman I miss. My younger self. The one who packed up her bags and left me stranded just when I need her the most. Just when the house is falling apart, the yard is washing away, the weeds are taking over my flower beds, the trees are sky-high and dropping limbs all over the place, and everything is shot to smithereens. Betrayal of the worst kind!

Frustration laced with anger and confusion and fear and grief and loneliness and depression hardly covers the overwhelming feelings at times. Bawling my eyes out helps. Talking to God helps the most. I do that a lot these days. Who else understands me more? Who else can give me the strength and wisdom that I need? Who else can calm my fears?

So, now you know why I haven’t been around for a while. And now you know for real that old age ain’t fun. But it’s not all bad, either. I don’t have to set the alarm anymore. That’s a plus . . . I think.

Things I Believed That I Don’t Anymore

God is mad at me
God is punishing me
God is disappointed in me
God expects me to be perfect

I have to go to church to be a Christian
I have to obey church rules
I can’t dance, take a sip of wine, wear shorts
I can’t question God

Real Christians sacrifice themselves to serve others
Real Christians have faith to jump out of their wheelchairs
Real Christians tithe, even if they can’t pay their mortgage
Real Christians never say no

If your feelings are not Christ-like, hide them
If you have a conflict with your neighbors, bake them a cake
If you speak the truth that hurts, apologize
If you don’t get along with everyone, something is wrong with you

A woman should never leave her abusive husband
A woman should bow down to men
A woman should be seen and not heard
A woman doesn’t deserve respect

I believed all those things and more
Because I was brainwashed
Because my eyes were closed
Because I believed it was the Gospel truth

But, I don’t anymore
God opened my eyes to the Truth
I no longer walk in darkness
Because the Truth has set me free





Only One

One God
One Father
One Son
One Holy Spirit
Only One

One Creator
One Garden of Eden
One Forbidden Tree
One Deadly Bite
Only One

One Virgin Mother
One Babe in a Manger
One Carpenter
One Teacher
Only One

One Cross
One Crown of Thorns
One Savior
One Resurrection
Only One

One Way
One Truth
One Life
One Light
Only One

One Government
One Leader
One Ruler
One King
Only One

One Life on Earth
One Physical Death
One Way to Heaven
One Way to Hell
Only One

John 14:6
I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
John 8:12
I am the Light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Revelation 22:12
Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to each person according to what they have down. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.


Night Whispers

As I sit alone in the stillness
Beneath the starry sky
I release my soul through the darkness
In search for the reasons why

Why are hearts so arrogant
Why do they starve for love
Why do they break so easily
Why do they push and shove

Why do they feel so empty
Why can’t anything fill the void
Why are they ever restless
So anxious and annoyed

Why do they burn with anger
When another disagrees
Why are they never satisfied
Why do they lust and greed

My soul returns from the darkness
Revealing whispers of the night
Of where wayward hearts went wrong
And how to make them right

They abandoned their Great Creator
And went their separate ways
Down a dangerous slippery slope
Not counting the price they’d pay.

They surrendered to the Evil One
They believed and trusted his lies
And followed him through the gates of Hell
Where his laughter smothered their cries

The Evil One hates the Creator
And all that He has made
He prowls about in the darkness
Corrupting hearts easily swayed

But there is healing for every heart
Broken and tortured by sin
When asking the Great Creator
To make it whole again

So guard your heart with open eyes
Never sleeping on the job
And be not fooled by the Evil One
He only seeks to rob











Little Miss Fix-It

She could not tolerate broken things
So she decided to fix it
Every tear
Every bleeding heart
Little Miss Fix-it could fix it

She was the queen of her realm
Commander and chief
She had everything under control
But in the process of trying to fix the world
The world ended up breaking her soul

Little Miss Fix-it was easy prey
For ravenous wolves in sheep’s clothing
Her heart was devoured
Her soul was crushed
Her mind was mauled by confusion

Her heart was too broken
To fix on her own
Too distrusting and disbelieving
So the only thing left for her to do
Was entrusting it to God for healing

Little Miss Fix-it is much wiser now
From the hard lessons she has learned
She stopped playing God
Jumped off the Throne
And ran through the gates of freedom

The moral of Little Miss Fix-it’s story is
Be careful of the choices you make
Stop believing the lies you’ve been told
Live only the life that is yours
And leave all the fixin’ to God











































The Last Mile

Daily writing prompt
What are you most excited about for the future?
View all responses

Genesis 5:24 NIV
Enoch walked faithfully with God; then he was no more because God took him home.

Heaven is looking brighter and clearer every day
And the more wicked this world gets
The more ready I am to leave
How I loathe the hatred and lies
The shootings and killings
The butchering of babies still in the womb
Where does this sense of entitlement come from?
Where is the remorse? The shame?
When was a lie ever the truth?
Who opened the door to the pit of Hell?
Do my prayers and tears reach Heaven?
Has God turned His back on His creation?
Or is He waiting for one more soul to believe in Him?
The world has become a giant monster of evil
I don’t want to be here anymore
I’ve seen and heard enough
I’m old and tired
My feet are bruised and sore
My legs tremble in weakness
The walk has been long and arduous
But I continue pushing forward
Continue trusting and believing
That at the end of the road
Jesus is waiting to carry me home
And I’m excited about that!

Living the Good Life

Daily writing prompt
What are the most important things needed to live a good life?
View all responses

GOD
I grew up thinking that God was looking down from heaven, arms crossed, frowning, and shaking His head in disappointment; a stark contrast between what I read in the Bible and what I was taught in Sunday School.

He’s your Heavenly Father, they said. His love is higher than the mountains, deeper than the ocean, they said. His love is unconditional, they said. You don’t have to earn it, beg for it, clean yourself up for it. Good or bad, it’s all yours, they said. My brain believed it, but my heart didn’t feel it, and I couldn’t settle for that.

I’m a sensitive, emotional human being that relies on my feelings, and if I can’t feel it, I’m paddling against the current of emptiness, frustration and confusion. And I can’t live like that. I have to feel God. I want, I need, I can’t live without knowing, believing, and feeling God in my heart.

So, I kept searching; crawling through the wreckage of my past, facing the ghosts, grieving my losses, wrapping my arms around the truth, cursing the lies and deceit of the people that said they loved me.

And there, in the midst of the wreckage, sat a shadowy figure staring into space, oblivious to the world in which he lived. My dad; in the flesh, but absent in the spirit.

Suddenly, in the crashing waves of anger and grief, I found my answer. When I finally opened my crying eyes, I saw God; smiling, arms open wide for me to come and feel His highest, deepest, unconditional love of my Heavenly Father. He was there all along; I just couldn’t feel Him. Now I do.

FAMILY
That’s where relationships are born. That’s where parents love, discipline and protect their children, make them feel safe, and teach them how to spread their wings and fly. Family is the potter; children are the clay. Either they are lovingly shaped and molded into something beautiful, or they are ruthlessly marred and disfigured for life.

RELATIONSHIPS
There’s no gentle way to put this: my family was screwed up. The most important relationships I always wanted, I learned to live without. For the sake of my own sanity, I walked away; I said enough!

I want to live a happy life. And, when I became a mom, I broke the chains of child abuse and loved my one and only child unconditionally, no strings attached. And as a result, he is a loving, caring human being, an awesome son, husband, father of four, and grandfather of nine, beautiful grandchildren.

There are no conflicts that we can’t work out. We all come together, laugh, work, and play together, because we know how important wholesome relationships are for each other’s well-being in a world that grows more stupid and evil every day.

CONCLUSION
If we want a good life with a beautiful, flourishing flower garden, we have to do everything within our power to care for it properly. Otherwise, it will dry up, dwindle and die. And that’s no life at all.